Posted by: valleybrunette | October 8, 2009

Love or Something Like That

As N prepares to go back to Utah to “see how things go” with her boyfriend (?) I’m torn on how to respond. On the one hand, I am tired of listening to her lament about what a bad boyfriend A is and how many times he’s supposedly changed. On the other, I realize she’s an adult and will do what she pleases. I don’t know that I can continue to lend a sympathetic ear to someone who purposefully perpetuates the cycle.

I love N. She is one of my closest friends. But when she is with A I just feel as if she’s just a small piece of herself. She allows herself to be caught up with this man who apparently needs “saving”. Nevermind, that he only calls when he needs help (aka money) or wants to rant about how she’s ruined his life. I just wish she could see that he’s no good for her. If only she could see she deserves so much more.

Not that I’m exactly one to be doling out relationship advice. I’m still caught up in the mix with J. I have such loving feelings towards him but, to be honest, we haven’t had sexy time in almost a month. That’s insane to me. Just this last weekend I am 75% sure I fell asleep in the middle of a handjob! WTF? I LOVE sex. Which leads me to believe that maybe J and I really have come to the end of our relationship but both of us are too scared to broach what comes next. Quite frankly, I don’t know if we can be friends. Well, just friends. No benefits. I am completely unsure of whether we have enough in common with each other to maintain that part of our relationship. Which is pretty sad. We’ve been sleeping together for 5 years now. Shouldn’t there be something else there besides sex?

Truth be told I still find J to be a motivation. He works hard, makes his needs known and lives, in my opinion, comfortably enough. He really is part of the blueprint of my ideal man. And I find myself wondering like many women before. Is it possible for me to do better?


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